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Recently read

Cover of the novel The Pigman by Paul Zindel

The Pigman by Paul Zindel

So much angst. Oh my God. I love it. Yes, there is so much grief and pain and bad things have been done and the world can be wrong but you must come to the realization that you have no choice but to accept the life that's been handed to you and make what you will of it. Not in a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" way, but in the sense of you can't just sit and stare at your wounds forever. The Pigman doesn't try to answer any questions about things turning out better the more you try or life getting better as an adult away from neglectful parents and existential worries; those are unanswerable. This book isn't particularly loving or tender at the end, it simply bears the message that you must move on and take accountability for what you will do yourself or you will never get out of this pit of grief.

Cover of the novel Bunny by Mona Awad

Bunny by Mona Awad

Idk what was going on but I loved it. Highly enjoyable.

Cover of the novel This Is How You Lose The Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

This Is How You Lose The Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

Gobbled this fresh little patiesserie in about a day and it made me cry. Unfortunately, the ending felt rushed and I didn't quite understand it, but everything prior utterly eclipses it in its romance and beautiful earnestness. I've lent my copy with my embarassing annotations to two friends within the first few months of finishing it.

Cover of the novel Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

I enjoyed this it was quite accessible with great flow and I found the talk abt mental health, particularly Midori's isolation through her growing up solely alongside Kizuki, really interesting. Also holy shit I'm in this picture and I don't like it in some spots where I used to idealize that one day there's going to be a finite End to someone's mental problems bc I care about them and Want that for them but current me is able to read this book tearing my hair out saying like no this is how they are and you must completely accept them as their current condition holds them or else your life will forever be halted in hope for that Someday anyways that's good character development for me. I didn't at All fucking like Reiko's backstory with the 13 year old piano student bc wtf was the point, Murakami. I sorta get the point of adding depth to the characters bc they're all sorta grey however her backstory and depth felt so disproportionately disturbing bc like 13 year olds like this don't actually fucking exist like wth was that about. Anyways other than that I quite liked it and found it very sincere.

Cover of the novel The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides

The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Idk honestly not a whole lot to say about this. I watched the movie a few years ago before I ever read the book so I already knew the story and one interesting thing was Trip Fontaine in the novel honestly seems like a pretty nice dude??? Idk anyways I didn't really feel any particular way reading this it was just interesting to see the source material but still enjoyable although I'm still not entirely sure what Eugenides' point was.

Cover of the novel Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke And Other Misfortunes by Eric LaRocca

Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke And Other Misfortunes by Eric LaRocca

My partner told me they gave it five stars but don't think i would like it and yeah. sorry but i didn't like this. i didnt feel it was necessarily horror. the first story disturbed me extremely as it went from zero to one hundred seemingly Way too fast and hi. i was not ready for animal cruelty and graphic child abuse. it was disturbing not in a pearl clutching way im just upset that i went through that for what felt like nothing. if there were any messages in the stories i just couldnt find them, the pacing was off but i feel that's just because it said a lot without meaning anything. anyways don't recommend.

Cover of the novel The Secret History by Donna Tartt

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

Jesus h christ im throwing up. i read this book almost two years ago and loved it, and now i picked it up again a few weeks ago and finished it in five days, falling in love with it all over again except Better because i caught all that delicious fucking foreshadowing that i couldnt catch on the first read. also im like 10000% more in love with henry winter than ever before. like i always loved him but like i mean i would sell my soul. frothing at the mouth as i think about him. need him. like there was one part (extremely light spoilers) where they were at bunny's search party and there was a bit of a hill that they walked down in the forest and richard described their physical descent specifically as "dantesque" and when he'd look at henry walking down the hill he described henry as looking hazy, as if he was losing his physical form and i just cant get that scene out of my head, like as you descend into the depths of hell henry is not so much a mortal man but a force of pure evil that is interwoven with all his equally horrid surroundings? donna tartt was COOKING. anyways delicious amazing book i love symbolism i love foreshadowing i love tragic parrallels i love the dramatic irony that comes with reading it a second time. bunny it was written since the beginning, you were truly dead all along. the final scene with henry destroyed me even harder the second time i was in a depression for a week after reading but i wouldnt trade it for the world. good shit highly recommend reading more than once.

Cover of the novel The Road by Cormac McCarthy

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

AAAAAAA so this summer this book got recommended to me by my mother n i put it in my notes with plans of checking it out later and then in english class this year i had the opportunity to read it for a unit of our course so i took it duh and let me tell you..... i was not ready. this book is like my own personal brand of crack cocaine or whatever edward cullen was saying about bella. the angst the heartbreak the family dynamics the desperation the biblical imagery like sometimes the writing gets a little too angsty or edgy for the average person and i dont think id recommend this book to Everyone but i eat it UP. just... love to the point where they are a saviour where they are a god where they are quite literally the last holy thing on earth god has abandoned us but also they Are god ACK i love it. the i will do anything for you do you understand that i will do anything if you got taken away from me there is no force profane nor divine that could keep me from remaining your protector but also the heartbreak of I Cant Do Everything For You... anyways controversial ending feeling extremely eh about it but literally everything except the last like 15 pages was scrumptious if it werent for that ending it would genuinely be the best thing id ever read (sorry mccarthy but donna tartt wins once again)


TBR

cover of dracula by bram stoker cover of uzumaki by junji ito cover of interview with a vampire by anne rice cover of the fellowship of the ring by jrr tolkien cover of the three body problem by cixin liu

music

CDs I own

CDs I'd like to buy as a little treat

to-do's

- put wallpaper as background - blinks/stamps collection page
- organize regular photos folder
- infinity on high in want cds
- making journal text + letters pic highlight when hovered to show it's clickable
- put holst's the planets on wanted cds
- playlist to burn to cd list
- organize my files for my different pages bc wowzers these added up FAST
- include review of the road by cormac mccarthy
- include miguel gatito in my art

items im searching for in the world

all of these are cool little things im looking for mostly in second hand shops unless that's gonna be like impossible